Remember in the not so distant past, when everybody questioned whether a movie based on a Disneyland attraction was the height of cinematic suicide? Well, 4 movies and a couple billion dollars later one can safely say that the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise was definitely a good investment (at least financially, let's not even talk about the "quality" of the sequels). But then somebody came around and said, hey, that worked out just fine, let's make a big budget movie based on a board game that is about as exciting as watching paint dry. The result of that experiment-gone-wrong was Battleship, the notorious summer 2012 sci-fi dud.
My point of this lengthy introduction is the following: Hollywood is not a stranger to adapting ridiculous source material and the range of success is quite enormous. With that being said, let's look at 5 upcoming (or announced) movies based on more absurd stuff.
1.Angry Birds
Alright, how about that, there's a bunch of grunting green pigs stealing eggs from a nest, the birds get really pissed off and are going kamikaze on those pigs. Doesn't that pretty much spell cinematic gold? What, it doesn't? Well, apparently somebody thinks it does and that somebody is Despicable Me producer John Cohen who's in charge of the adaptation of the ultra-popular game app. Expect the beginning of another unasked for computer-animated franchise in summer 2016.
2. LEGO
Believe it or not but this one is already pretty far into production. The story is about an average joe LEGO figure who stumbles into a giant adventure and has to battle an evil LEGO tyrant. Sounds ridiculous? What if I told you that the makers of 21 Jump Street are behind the camera and that the voice talent includes the likes of Will Ferrell, Liam Neeson, Nick Offerman, Morgan Freeman, Elizabeth Banks and Alison Brie? Sounds exciting all of sudden? We'll find out about the movie's quality in February 2014.
3. Hungry Hungry Hippos
What is the next logical step after Battleship was such a smash last summer? Well, how about adapting another board game, this time based on a brightly colored kiddie plaything involving a bunch of hippos eating white marbles. Honestly, how do they come up with that stuff? Produced by Randall Emmett and George Furla, responsible for End of Watch and the upcoming 2 Guns, I can only guess that this one will probably turn out to be a crime thriller starring Denzel Washington, Jake Gyllenhaal and Mark Wahlberg. Or something like that.
If you know your trash cinema you're certainly aware of the 1984 Troma cult classic The Toxic Avenger, the story of a bullied nerd who thanks to some toxic waste mutates into a hideous superhero. It seems like Akiva Goldsman, producer of I Am Legend and Hancock, and Steve Pink, director of Hot Tub Time Machine are keen to remake this beloved trash fest. There's even talks about having the Austrian oak, Arnold Schwarzenegger star in it. If this one proves to be a success, you can expect a whole lot more Troma remakes in the future, so prepare for rehashs of such classics as Surf Nazis Must Die!, Rabbid Grannies and Chopper Chicks in Zombietown.
5. Grumpy Cat Internet Meme
Proving that Hollywood has officially gone completely bonkers, I present to you the first adaptation of an Internet meme (Did I really just type that?). Produced by Todd Garner and Sean Robbins, the producers behind the abysmal Jack and Jill, Zookeeper and Paul Blart: Mall Cop, it's probably safe to assume that whatever this film turns out to be, it will star Adam Sandler, Kevin James and Rob Schneider and will end up with a Rotten Tomatoes score in the single digits. Hooray for great comedy!
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